Who else finds themselves with thoughts and questions like the following filling their heads: Will schools actually reopen? It’s not fair that gyms can’t open. My relatives are so combative on social media around hot topic political issues. What if my kid can’t play sports or be in theater this year? (I am sure the list could be endless of questions and thoughts like these). Some of the underlying causes of anxiety lie in focusing on what we can’t control, versus what we can control. This has been amplified even more during this current COVID-19 pandemic layered with all of the other stressors in our lives. I am finding myself having this conversation with so many of my clients recently…and with myself. It’s easy to get caught up in what we can’t control…to be frustrated by those things. Believe me, I get it; I have my moments. In today’s blog, I want to give you some practical ways to lower your stress and anxiety by acknowledging and focusing on what you can control.
Make a list of what you can and can’t control
If you find yourself with increased anxiety, racing thoughts, or lots of “what if” questions, take a look at your thought patterns. What thoughts are getting your attention? The thoughts we entertain are the thoughts we are giving power to. If we give power to anxious thoughts, we are going to feel anxious.
Make a list of your common thoughts/patterns. Divide them into two columns: things you can control, and things that are out of your control. Seeing these things on paper, getting them out of your head, diminishes their power, allows you to bring in your logical thinking and not get stuck in the emotional cycle.
Your list might look something like this:
- Can’t control: government decisions, reactions of others, social media conflict, decisions about school, other’s behaviors, a virus.
- Can control: my responses, how much time I spend on social media or taking in news, who I choose to spend time with, what I read, my choices, my health, taking care of myself emotionally and mentally, self-care, my effort, my faith journey and relationship with God.
While the things in the first list are important, we get to choose how much time we spend thinking about those things. Our brains can’t multitask very well. If we choose to think about the things in the second list, we will naturally spend less time thinking about those in the first list.
We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we respond
There are so many unknowns in this world, there always has been, there always will, and this is so true now more than ever. The encouraging things is…we have a CHOICE. We don’t get to choose what happens to us, but we get to choose how we respond. That is so empowering to me. Believe me, there are some days I need to hear that encouragement just as much as the next person, but I am continually trying to remind myself of this fact…We have a choice!
Learn more by watching this video.
**If you find yourself getting stuck in your head, I highly suggest Jennie Allen’s book “Get Out of Your Head.” You can learn more in my book review blog post.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Michigan and a graduate of Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. She finds energy in her work as a counselor when she is working with women who feel stuck and those wanting to restore hope for a better, more enriching life. She is also passionate about coming alongside those who want to incorporate their spirituality and relationship with God in their healing journey. Nicole sees clients in person in Hudsonville, MI and can also provide services online to any resident of the state of Michigan.
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