Phew, it’s been a couple of weeks since I have shared on the blog. No excuses, just a really full schedule. Using this space to share my thoughts is really important to me, but I also want to share content that is helpful and authentic. I came across something this week that hit me square between the eyes and is too good not to share. This week’s message takes us deep into the topic of identity. Don’t “x” out of this window. I encourage you, read to the end and then ask questions.

Lost and searching

So many women I work with have “lost” who they are and feel like they don’t know themselves. Many of them have been doing for others for years or decades, and while serving others is wonderful, they have lost themselves along the way. They also tend to realize they have let others dictate who they are, how they spend their time, and fill their heads with “should” statements of who and what they are supposed to be.

Most often, women do not come to me with this as their main concern. It’s typically struggles like anxiety, depression, low self esteem or relationship struggles. As we peel back the layers, the lack of identity begins to be exposed. Again, this happens slowly over time, and most don’t even realize this is lurking below the surface.

Now, there are lots of places to go with this discovery and lots of good exploratory tools to use to find oneself again. Things like core values, spiritual gifts, personal strengths, and the Enneagram are a few ways to investigate and get to know yourself. These can also be elements of really vital self-discovery work. That being said, there is one truth and one discovery more important than all of the others.

Coming back to the truth

Part of re-centering for me this fall has been going back to morning time in God’s Word. I know this time is so important and fills my soul, but let’s be honest…sometimes it’s easy to get out of this rhythm. My time with God looks different in different seasons. One of the most helpful tools for me is to follow a guided Bible study book. This fall, I have been participating in Proverbs31 Ministries’ study, “The Answers to Your Deepest Longings: 40 Days through the Bible.”

This week, the core longing being examined is that of identity. Being a life-long Christian, I had a feeling where this week was headed, but I was excited to dive deeper. I can’t take credit for the following as it comes straight from the Bible study (and incorporates the fives lies of identity noted by Henri Nouwen), but I just needed to share this with you all. THIS! This is the most important, the most crucial piece of our identity. **Note: When counseling a client I meet them where they are spiritually, and if that means not incorporating it at all, that is okay too.

Five Lies of Identity + Our True Identity in Christ

1. “I am what I have.” **My identity is what I have in Christ – salvation and freedom from sin and death.
2. “I am what I do .” **I don’t have to worry about “doing” because Christ has done all that was needed to be done on the cross.
3. “I am what other people say or think of me.” **I am what God says of me, and that is the only thing that matters.
4. “I am nothing more than my worst moment.” **My relationship with God is safe and secure even I the midst of my very worst moments.
5. “I am nothing less than my best moment.” **I rejoice in all that God has done for me in my very best moments.

Ugh, I don’t know about you, but this hit me hard. What number do you identify with the most? I have written this out and put it in the front of my current notebook I use for sermon notes because I know I need to return to this over and over. These reminders…these truths…these are the things I need to be consuming. In a world where there is so much information I take in, and so many who want to define me, and so many pressures to be a certain way…THIS is the set of truths that truly define me.

Reflection questions

How would my life be different if I believed these statements?

Would I have less anxiety? More joy? Better boundaries?

Once we fully know and fully believe WHOSE we are, we can appreciate WHO we are. Who we are in Christ, and who He has created us to be and we can live out of that truth.  

If you are struggling in this area, or this is the first time you have heard this message, I encourage you to reach out…ask questions. Feel free to reach out to me, or a trusted friend.

Learn more in this video.

About the author

Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!

If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com