Unmet expectations. It happens to the best of us. Our children make bad decisions regardless of how we raised them. Our partner/spouse betrays our trust. We don’t get the promotion we applied for and thought for sure we would get. The new car we bought has problem after problem. The new job we moved across the country for isn’t what we thought it would be. Our best friend isn’t there for us just when we need them the most.
We enter into situations or relationships with a certain set of expectations because we want to believe things will work out the way they “should,” or at least the way we think they should. But then the unexpected happens and things don’t go the way we planned. When we come face-to-face with unmet expectations, or disappointment (let’s just call it what it is), it can paralyze us, or send us into a time of “why me?”
So, what do we do about it? Below are five ways to overcome unmet expectations:
- Grieve. Don’t push it out of the way or to the back of your mind. Allow yourself time to recognize what happened and grieve the loss of what you thought would be. We live in a “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” sort of world, and while there is some validity in that, it encourages us to just ignore the wrong we have done and the wrong that happens to us. Think about what happened, or didn’t happen, and identify your emotions associated with the disappointment. Sit with it for a moment and truly grieve what is lost.
- Identify what you can own. Sometimes bad things just happen to good people. Other times, maybe we played a part in the situation. Evaluate the experience and what you could have done differently. If it was completely out of your control, at least own your response to the outcome. You can’t control what happens to you but you can control how you react.
- Look for the lesson. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, take the opportunity to look for a lesson that perhaps you can learn from in your unwanted circumstances. Make the most of this unfortunate situation and make mental note of how you can contribute to a more successful outcome in the future or seek an opportunity for some personal growth and strength building. Also use what you have learned, and the feelings you have felt, as a way to prevent being someone else’s unmet expectation.
- Decide to move on. Notice I said “decide” rather than just move on. This goes back to taking control of what you can own. After you have moved through the other steps, you have the decision to move on. Take what you have learned and make the decision to not let this series of events or circumstances define you.
- Expect the unexpected. If you are reading this, you are probably old enough to come to terms with the fact that this isn’t the first time your expectations have not been met, and it surely won’t be the last. We live in a broken world with broken people; it will happen again. Use the strength you have built during this trial and use it to tackle the next thing that comes your way. Be ready for it, it’s coming, but sometimes things are a little easier when we are prepared.
Did you read through this and just not feel the strength to face your situation head on? Or do you feel stuck in your circumstances? Contact us to talk through your situation and gain the perspective of an empathic witness.
Watch our video on overcoming unmet expectations:
https://youtu.be/dso_Fo2T9Lc
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