Maybe you know what I mean by the title of this blog, or maybe you have no idea what I am talking about when I say “should statements” and just clicked on it out of curiosity. Either way, stick with me; pulling apart this idea of should statements could be transformative for some. This is something I have been thinking a lot about lately in my own personal reflection time.
So, what is a “should statement?”
A should statement is the idea and belief that you should be doing something based on what others say, or what culture/society tells us to, regardless of our own values, beliefs or convictions. These are statements you tell yourself enough that you believe them. (If you did not read my blog on core values, you might want to go back and do that as it might be helpful in this conversation as well.)
Examples of should statements…
- I should dress like (insert name of celebrity or Instagram influencer).
- My kids should be in multiple sports and activities at all times.
- My personal time with God should be in the morning, not any other time of day.
- I should work a traditional 9-5 job that aligns with my degree.
- I should allow my kids to have social media.
- I should always put other’s needs above my own.
- My kids should come first in my life.
- I should weigh X pounds and be a size X.
- I should make all of my children’s snack from scratch and always follow a clean eating meal plan.
- I should join the gym all of the other moms are joining.
- I should always keep my opinions to myself.
- I should always say “yes” when others ask for my help.
Make a personal list
I challenge you to make a list of should statements that drive your life, where these statements originated, and what it costs you to live out of these should statements (what else are you giving up or not investing in that might be more important to you). This might take some time of deep reflection and you may not recognize them immediately. Some come from those around us currently, but others have been ingrained since childhood. Are you living your life because its what you feel called and led to do, or because others (maybe unintentionally) have put pressure on you, or you have put pressure on yourself to follow the “norm” or certain trends?
Many of the examples above may not be harmful in and of themselves. However, when they are not based on our own values, and when we are acting against our own convictions or callings, they weigh us down and cause us to live an inauthentic life. Should statements can feel very heavy, and also create a lot of guilt and shame when we don’t follow through. Recognizing what should statements are driving forces in our life, and giving ourselves permission that we don’t have to do these things, can be so freeing. Letting them go allows us to live a more genuine and authentic life that aligns with our own beliefs, values and convictions.
Watch a personal video of my journey recently with should statements.
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