Let’s pretend you are going on a road trip. You type in your destination on Google maps. Not only does the app need to know the location of your destination, but it also needs to know your starting location. We can’t decide how to get where we want to go if we don’t know where we are starting. This is also true in personal development. Most people come into the therapy office knowing what they don’t want (i.e. anxiety, depression, relationship conflict, etc.). We then work together to figure out what they do want (i.e. peace, joy, relational fulfillment, etc.). In order to get to the destination, we have to determine where they are starting and this begins with increased self-awareness.
The first steps toward self-awareness
So if self-awareness is necessary and helpful, how does one begin the journey to increased knowledge of self? First of all, let’s just be honest in saying that most of us don’t go around paying close attention to all of our thoughts, emotions, body sensations, and behaviors. We might be attuned to one of these areas more than the others, but generally speaking, we operate out of habit and at such a fast pace that we are not clued into ourselves very well. A lot of the work I do with clients, in the beginning, is getting them to slow down and pay attention to these various areas of their inner world. They can usually fairly easily name their behaviors/symptoms (even if they don’t like them), but we want to slow things down and listen to our thoughts and pay attention to our emotions and bodies.
Tools and techniques you can use to begin paying attention:
- Mindfulness: The most basic definition of mindfulness is paying attention to our thoughts, on purpose, without judgment.
- Paying attention to our thoughts: Our brains are amazing and very efficient. While this serves us well often, there are times it can be unhelpful. Thoughts patterns form out of habit; this also includes harmful thought habits. Understanding how thought patterns form and how we can change them is crucial in making lasting change. Learn more.
- Naming our limiting beliefs: We also carry around false messages and beliefs that contribute to how we respond to the world. Naming these beliefs and taking the steps to debunk these lies allows freedom to live out of the truth of who we are. Read our past blog post to learn more about limiting beliefs and reducing their power.
- Recognizing emotions: Most people I speak with, even if they are a “feelings” person are unable to name their specific emotions. Emotions are not good or bad, they are messengers. They are telling us something. Learn more about recognizing your emotions and therefore learning more about what you need.
- Being aware of “should” statements: How much of your life aligns with what you feel called to do versus what you “should” do which is based on other’s or societies’ expectations of you? Being aware of these “should” statements allows you to turn away from them and live more intentionally.
- Knowing your core values: What truly matters to you? Read a past blog to learn more about core values and how to discover them.
- Learning about the Enneagram and your type: The Enneagram is a personality typing system, but it is unlike others in that it can be used for transformation and becoming a healthier version of yourself. It has been one of the most helpful tools in my personal growth journey. Learn a little bit more about it here along with resources for further exploration.
Self-awareness can be scary
Sometimes getting in touch with our inner world and facing our shadow sides can be scary and disappointing. I get it. BUT this is where true healing and transformation can take place. This is where we can take an intentional shift and claim that we have a choice in how we live out our lives and respond to ourselves and others. Need someone to walk with you on the journey toward self-awareness? Contact us to be connected to a welcoming mental health professional.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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