Anxiety is fear of the uncertain, of the unknown. It’s believing that we don’t know enough, we aren’t enough, we are too much, to handle this unknown thing possibly coming our way. That’s where the “what if” questions begin. Our mind becomes overwhelmed with this type of thinking. We rarely actually focus on the answers to these questions, but rather the questions themselves. Anxiety is also the skewed perspective of the risks versus our resources. Focusing on the “what-ifs” is exactly what lands us in this mindset trap. In today’s blog, I offer you a simple, practical exercise that shifts our thinking into a resource-focused perspective.
Risks vs. resources
Begin by taking out a sheet of paper. At the top, name and write out the thing you are anxious or worried about. Next, fold the paper in half long ways. On the left side of the paper, write the word Risks. Now, begin listing out the risks, the what-if’s, the things out of your control.
After you have completed that side, flip to the right side of the paper and write Resources. On this side, you are going to write the resources available to you. Things like people, services, personal strengths, what could go well, possible lessons learned.
Example
Let me share a personal example with you. My daughter recently turned 15 and began driver’s training, and just a few weeks ago received her driver’s permit. Now, this is my oldest child, so my first rodeo with having a student driver. As a mom who is naturally prone to worry about her children, this has been a tough journey. Definitely been having to practice what I preach. So, if I use the exercise I just walked you through above, here is how it might look for my situation.
| Risks | Resources |
| New driver – lacks knowledge and confidence | Quality driver’s education program |
| Get in accident? | Advice from other parents who have done this before |
| Seriously hurt oneself? | Safe, reliable personal vehicle |
| Her own anxiety | Access to quality medical care if needed |
| New experience for both of us | Spiritual belief that God is in ultimate control and that He will equip me for the next steps |
| Husband and I can share the responsibility | |
| My teen that is excited about driving and feels confident but is teachable | |
| She spends a year driving in the car with me before she is out by herself | |
| Laws and restrictions in place to help protect her |
Conclusions
When I look at this chart, it is not to diminish the seriousness of what could go wrong, but let’s just name them instead of letting them swirl around in our heads. Typically, there is one or two thoughts that take up the most mental space/energy. When we choose to focus on that, it takes away from thinking about all of the resources we have. Generally speaking, when I do this activity with clients, they are usually surprised by how many resources they have, and typically there are more resources than risks.
What resources do you have?
I encourage you to spend some time trying out this activity. You could do it for a specific situation, or you could do it from a more general approach. Having trouble? This and tools like it are helpful therapy techniques to give someone stuck in the mindset of anxiety an exit strategy. Reach out if you need someone to come alongside you and your struggle with anxiety and overwhelm.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
Recent Comments