My client takes the piece of paper from me. On one side is the picture of a blank mask, on the other is the same picture of a blank mask. I then walk them through a personal, raw, emotional, and possibly spiritual experiential exercise in which they examine how others see them versus how they see themselves, and then if they are a person of faith, how God sees them.
The need for this exercise usually stems from someone who feels like they are not living out of their true self, doesn’t even know who that is, or has issues with boundaries and therefore experiences hurt and bitterness. Many of us are people pleasers. This results in living out of who everyone else desires us to be, or others treating us in ways they have built and reinforced us to be. Overtime, this wears on a person. Typically in the personal growth journey, we discover we are ready to shed old masks, and be intentional about the new masks we create. (If this has you intrigued, you may also benefit from reading through our blog on Living out of your true self.)
The following is a quote from a book. I thought it better, although a little longer, to just share the full quote. I didn’t feel I could fully summarize the depth of his words.
Personality as a mask we wear
In his book, “The sacred enneagram: Finding your unique path to spiritual growth,” Christopher Heuertz shares thoughts on the “masks” we take on as our identity:
“Our personality is a mask we wear – it is part of us but not the whole. Some of the masks we wear are formed for us by our environment and upbringings, some we forge through the mythology of our own ego projections, and some are unfairly put on us by society as caricatures. Regardless of where they come from, it’s up to us to determine how long we’ll wear them.
Unfortunately, our tendency is to over identify with some of the masks we put on. Some of us feel stuck in our past, suffocated by shame or guilt, racked by disappointment or regret, overcome by fear or doubt” (p.107)
Heuertz goes on to say that we then make three mistakes: mistaking these voices as God’s, giving away power to the pain of our past, and allowing those who’ve hurt us to hold these masks to us like we can’t remove them.
What mask are you wearing?
If we go back to the exercise from the first paragraph, the one I walk through with clients, we come to an important set of questions after filling in the masks. Which “mask” are we living out of? What is the impact of that? Is there a cost? What might it feel like to live out of who God says we are, or out of who we were made to be? How might life look different? How might you experience life differently?
Want to walk through exercises like this and continue or begin your personal growth journey? Contact us to find a trusted counselor to walk on this path with you.
Heuertz, C.L. ()2017. The sacred enneagram: Finding your unique path to spiritual growth. Zondervan.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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