The average human has more than 6,000 thoughts a day! That is an average of four thoughts per minute. Some of these thoughts are helpful, and some are not. Have you ever thought about (pun intended) how much energy you give to certain thoughts? Many clients come to me tired, exhausted and overwhelmed. One of the things we take a look at is the amount of mental energy they are expending, and how much power their thoughts are getting. In addition, it’s very important for everyone to understand that we can’t always control what comes into our minds, but we can control what we do with it. Like I explained above, we can choose how much power we give our thoughts. We can also choose how much time we spend on certain thoughts. Today, I want to share with you a subtle mindset shift that can change your relationship with your thoughts.
A subtle mindset shift
There is a subtle shift we can make that can make a huge difference in how we relate to our thoughts. We want to create distance, separation from our thoughts. We are not our thoughts. Or at least we don’t have to be. Putting some distance between you and your thoughts allows you to separate yourself from them and begin to understand that you are not your thoughts.
Here is how it works. As you pay more attention to your thoughts and notice the hamster wheel of anxious, depressed, or hopeless thoughts, add the following phrase: “I notice I am having a _____ thought.” So, “I notice I am having an anxious thought.” “I notice I’m having a hopeless thought.” This shift in thinking is one of many tools that are a part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Why the mindset shift?
You may be asking, “how will this make any difference?” When we are telling ourselves, “I’m anxious,” “I’m depressed,” “I’m hopeless,” we start to live out of that. When we add the “I’m noticing,” we give some space between us and the thought which allows us not to take on the identity of the thought. It also allows us to pause and investigate. So, if I’m noticing I am having an anxious thought, I can start asking myself some questions like, what just happened? Is there something I am worried about? Am I putting unnecessary pressure on myself for something? Etc. We can notice the thought, the emotion, ask some questions, and be more intentional about how we move forward in that moment. (Read this blog post about how to interact with the emotions that come after our thoughts.)
I’m not always against labels and diagnoses (they are helpful when they get someone resources they need like services or medication) but in this case, it’s not always helpful to label ourselves “anxious” or “depressed.” When we do that, we allow those labels to have power, and sometimes excuses. Instead, spend more time noticing your thoughts, not attaching to them, creating some distance, taking the time to investigate them and then moving on from them. This past blog post on mindfulness may also be a helpful read.
We are more than our thoughts
We are so much more than our thoughts; we are our strengths, personality, talents, ideas, and love. What are you giving energy to? What are you allowing to define you?
If you need help learning to notice your thoughts, or gain insight on how your thoughts play a role in anxiety or depression, contact us to sit down with a trusted mental health professional.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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