Ever find that you hold back from doing something…being something…pursuing something…showing up in your relationships? A lot goes into our decision to not do something, but typically at the core is a “limiting belief.” (also known as core belief or false belief). Note that I said decision…we decide to do things, but we also decide not to do things. Our limiting beliefs can slow us down, or keep us from doing something completely.
Limiting beliefs are more than just negative thoughts. These beliefs jab at the core of who we are, the core of our identity. When we adopt these beliefs, it changes the lens through which we see the world and interpret our surroundings.
Examples of limiting beliefs
Maybe the best way to define a limiting belief is to give examples:
- I am not good at anything.
- I am not pretty enough.
- I can’t do ______ as good as others.
- I am a failure.
- I will never find a good relationship.
- I can’t make friends.
- I am unlovable.
- I can’t do anything right.
And probably the most common limiting belief I hear… “I am not good enough.”
Where do these beliefs come from?
What is it for you? What do you find yourself saying to yourself over and over? Most of us have multiple limiting beliefs. They can develop in childhood, or perhaps early adulthood. Maybe it’s something that was said to us, and perhaps by multiple people. It typically has some history to it. **If this is triggering for you, or you find this brings up feelings of deep sadness or intense anxiety, stop here and contact someone you can talk to.
They also develop because we are constantly scanning our world for evidence for our belief. The more and more evidence we find for our belief, the deeper rooted the belief becomes. Now, some beliefs have some truth. For instance, I could have developed a belief that I wasn’t good at traditional sports. There is some valid evidence for this BUT I also did not seek opportunities to prove this belief otherwise.
As this belief becomes deeper rooted, a skewed perspective develops through which we filter our world. For instance, if we “can’t do anything right,” every time something “fails,” no matter how big or small, we add that to the column of evidence to support our belief. Maybe you made a cake, and it burnt in the oven. Does that really mean you can’t do anything right? BUT if this is your belief, you will easily add that as evidence for it. Someone else who does not struggle with this limiting belief, may laugh it off, throw it away, and go buy a store-bought cake.
On the other hand, if we do something right, like we make a cake and it turns out perfect, if we claim the “I can’t do anything right” belief, we may just attribute it to luck or some other reason that it turned out that has nothing to do with us.
How do we limit the power of our false beliefs
The first step in limiting the power of our limiting beliefs is self-awareness. Identify the thoughts holding you back. Then, ask yourself the following questions:
- What made you believe that core belief was true?
- What evidence is there that the core belief was not true, or not completely true?
- For each item in number 1 above, what’s another explanation? What’s another way to look at it?
- Looking over all of the evidence, how do I now view the accuracy of my core belief?
Need help working through this?
The process and questions listed above are just the beginning. This might be overwhelming, or produce sadness or anxiety, especially if your limiting beliefs are triggering or deep rooted. Contact us to find someone to come alongside you on this journey.
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