Do you get energy from being around people or being alone? When you feel tired, stressed or burnt out, do you re-energize by being in the company of others or by resting alone? These are the best questions I have heard to help decipher if you are an introvert or an extrovert. There is no right or wrong, no better or best. You might be asking, “why does it even matter?” It matters because when we have increased self awareness, we notice our emotions and therefore what we need. When we attend to our personal needs, we can be better at attending to other’s needs. We put a healthier version of ourselves out into the world, into our relationships.
I am an Introvert
Claiming the label of “introvert” has been so helpful for me. Self awareness allows me to be intentional with my presence in the world and my responses to others. Reading more about introversion and hearing stories from others has been affirming and helped me to not feel alone in my thoughts and feelings.
Why was this a problem?
Being an introvert in Western culture/America is challenging. I never quite had the words for my experience but reading “Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking” by Susan Cain gave me stories, language and facts for something I had been experiencing for a long time. She talks about the “Extrovert Ideal” of our culture. “Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are” (p. 4). Cain offers a solid background and foundation for how we have gotten where we are culturally today and the power of and need for both extroverts and introverts.
What’s it like to be an introvert?
There are so many misconceptions about introverts. (I think the biggest one is that introverts do not like people…not true). In her book “The powerful purpose of introverts,” Holley Gerth offers a brain-based look at the difference between introverts and extroverts and helps introverts to see that the qualities culture sometimes looks down upon are actually superpowers.
Introverts are thinkers which can also lead to having a loud inner critic. When the world around you does not affirm you, it can fuel the voice of the harmful inward critical voice. Learning about the common qualities and gifts of introverts increases the confidence of an introvert to not hide in this loud world. As Gerth says, “Embracing who we are truly takes courage and hard work, especially if we’ve felt pressure to be someone we’re not” (p.27).
Gerth challenges introverts to see their personality traits as gifts to the world. Introverts don’t need to apologize for how they are wired. She offers a different view at the end of her book with the following statement:
“I’m an introvert and I will imperfectly and courageously offer my strengths of strategic solitude, meaningful connection, genuine influence, sacred confidence, true well-being, hard-won resilience, sharp thinking, insightful perception, and intentional energy as I live with purpose and grow for a lifetime.”
Are you an Introvert?
Curious if you are an introvert or extrovert. Take Holley Gerth’s quiz at https://holleygerth.com/introvertquiz/
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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