What is your deepest desire in life? I will be honest with you, a lot of people come to my office, saying things like “I just want to be happy,” or “Well, God wouldn’t want me to be unhappy would he?” Now, hold on just a moment, as you may want to exit out of this post. I am not sharing these with you with an undertone of judgement; I am just stating things people are seeking or asking when they begin therapy. These are common statements in our Western, American culture. It may also be important to note that about 90% of the people I work with are viewing the world through a Christian lens, as am I. I want to challenge you to lean in and listen to this conversation discussing happiness versus joy.
What is “happy?”
Whenever I hear the word “happy,” my ears perk up and I want to know what the person means by the word happy. And if they are Christians, who seek to follow God’s Word and mission, I will likely pursue a conversation around the difference between cultural happiness and Biblical joy. This conversation may also include diving into what God actually desires for us, according to His Word. Note: When we read His Word, not as an answer book, but to truly know Him, we will then know what is from Him.
We live in a “do-whatever-makes-you-happy” culture. As a counselor, I am generally not supposed to share my opinion, or if I do, I need to be clear that it’s my opinion. That being said, in my opinion, this approach to life is dangerous. It has potential to result in the complete opposite, leaving people miserable. The truth is, there is suffering and hardship and there is no way around it. If our main goal is “happiness,” is that even possible?
I want to challenge you today to rethink what you truly desire in life. Do you want cultural happiness or Biblical joy? Even if you are not a Christian, I encourage you to read on. This has the potential to alter how you view life, suffering and blessings.
The first step in all of this is to define happiness for you. What does it mean? What would it look like if you were “happy?” Next, how might joy be different? You may never have given much thought to these two words. I desire to share the differences I see in these words and how choosing joy shapes my life.
When I look to the internet for the definition of happy, a variety of words come up like satisfaction, well-being, pleasure and positive emotions (which can include joy). The first thing to notice here, all of these words seem to be associated with earthly things. They are circumstantial and situational.
What is “joy?”
The Bible does talk about happiness, which is sometimes interchangeable with the word joy. For instance, it refers to food (Ecc. 9:7), pleasures from God (Psalm 16:11), and those that keep the law resulting in happiness (Provers 29:18 and Psalm144:15).
It’s important to make a distinction between happiness and joy. Yes, God talks about earthly pleasures and I truly think His heart desires for us to enjoy these blessings, but also to acknowledge them as from Him. James 1:17 tells us that every good and perfect thing is from above. What God seems to talk even more about is joy. But the Biblical definition of joy is very different from the cultural view of happy. Joy comes from His presence (Psalm 16:11), His strength (Neh. 8:10), deliverance (Psalm 71:23), after grief and suffering (Psalm 30:5), and through trial (James 1:2) just to name a few. This is so countercultural. It may almost seem impossible to have joy. God reminds us we are in this world, but warns us not to be of this world.
It is not my belief that God promises happiness. He knows that’s not possible after the fall when sin entered the world. What He does promise is that He has overcome the world and there is joy in Him. This is our strength to fight through a life and a world that is inevitable to include suffering and hardship. Does He want us to be unhappy? No. Does He know we will be at times? Yes. So, do we chase after happiness that is fleeting, or do we pursue joy which is everlasting?
Worldly happiness v. Biblical joy
The chart I made, pictured below, helps explain my view on the difference between happiness and joy.
| Happiness | Joy |
| Based on circumstances | Despite circumstances |
| Us focused | Kingdom focused |
| In reaction to accomplishments, achievement, and material gain | From a place of gratitude, praise and confidence |
| Is a feeling (remember feelings are fleeting) | State of being |
| Looking to earthly things | Viewing from a heavenly perspective |
| Hope in “it” (it being the thing you think will bring you happiness) | Full of hope |
Hopefully this has been helpful. It’s really just the beginning of a conversation. If you would like to continue this conversation, please reach out. I would love to hear from you if you feel stuck chasing cultural/earthly happiness and you desire the joy of the Lord.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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