Too often we spend our mental energy on things we can’t control leaving us anxious, overwhelmed, hopeless, and exhausted. I am excited to share a tool with you today that allows you to find the freedom that comes from releasing what was never ours to “own.” How much baggage are you carrying around? How weighed down do you feel? Is some of that from worrying, people-pleasing, carrying the emotional health of others, and more. These are heavy on top of what we personally deal with on a day-to-day basis. This blog will introduce you to the “circle of control” tool that I use with the large majority of my clients.
We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can control how we think about it and respond. Where do you want to spend your energy? You have a choice!
Let’s practice
To begin using the Circle of Control tool, download and/or print out the Circle of Control free resource. If you are not able to download the resource, take out a piece of paper. Start by drawing a circle in the middle of the page a few inches in diameter and then another circle an inch or so around that. It will look like a donut with a larger hole.
The inner circle of control
The inner circle (the donut hole) is your circle of control. This is where we will list out the things within your control: feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. At the top of that circle, write the word MY. So it will read, my feelings, my attitudes, my beliefs, etc. When it comes down to it, these are really the only things you can control.
The outer circle
In the outer circle, you will list things that are out of your control. The handout includes things like culture, media, social media, illness, death, family, economy. Most importantly, the outer circle contains those things from the inner circle, for everyone else. So, other people’s feelings, other people’s attitudes, other people’s beliefs, etc. We can’t control other people.
How to use the Circle of Control:
- Notice when things in the outer circle contribute to stress, anxiety, or depression. Intentionally pivot your attention and energy to focus on something in the inner circle. When we feel stuck, we need to think something different or do something different.
- When things feel out of control, or in a moment of anxiety, overwhelm, or hopelessness, draw an empty set of circles or use the second page of the handout. Write out what is currently in the outer circle (be specific for your situation) and what is in your inner circle of control. Choose something from the inner circle to focus on.
Where do you want to spend your energy?
How much time are you wasting focusing on things out of your control? I get that’s it’s not as simple as drawing a donut and letting go, but it’s a start. It’s a start to being intentional with where you put your time and energy. It’s a start to increasing self-awareness and eliminating unhelpful thought patterns.
If you want to decrease your anxiety, relationship struggles, and depression, contact us to journey through mindset change with one of our trusted mental health professionals.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC counsels women who feel anxious, overwhelmed and stuck, and want to be empowered to create peace, joy and fulfillment in their lives. She does this by blending together proven psychological tools and techniques with the therapeutic framework Scripture provides. Of all of the hats Nicole wears (wife, mother, counselor, business owner), Nicole’s favorite is her beach hat!
If you’re ready to learn to thrive rather than just survive, contact Nicole today for support at nicole@restorativecc.com
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