Wow, it has been another very difficult few weeks for our country, our city and for so many of us. And as I reflect on that, I am thinking that for BIPOC (Black, Indigenous People of Color), it has been difficult for some of them (in regards to racism) perhaps their entire lives. As I have moved through this last week, I am also realizing that it’s not enough to be “not racist,” but I need to further on my journey toward anti-racism. This is my journey of listening, learning, understanding and leaning into the uncomfortable.
Why am I writing this blog on anti-racism?
I am writing this blog to give you a glimpse into my journey, my story, my experience. I have not “arrived;” I almost feel like I have only started. My eyes have been opened wider this week, and as uncomfortable as is it, I refuse to close them and go back to “normal.” There may not be a lot of new information here, and few “aha” moments, but perhaps my journey will inspire you to begin a journey of your own.
Some things to note before you read any further:
-This is my personal journey. Everyone is unique, has unique stories and experiences.
-I am not perfect, have not arrived, and I used the word journey in my title for a reason. I will be on this journey my whole life.
-Please offer me, and others who are speaking out, grace.
-I will not pretend to know what it’s like for BIPOC, but I will seek to listen and be open to understanding.
-I have so many thoughts in my head about this, and this one blog post will not articulate all of those.
-This post is about anti-racism, it’s not to ignore others who are hurting right now like law enforcement, business owners, other cultures who have experience racism and prejudice and those still facing the heartache of COVID (and the daily hurts we all experience).
-My faith, and the fact that God created ALL in His image, underlies everything for me in this conversation.
Watch this video where I explain this further.
A little of my history
I grew up in a predominantly white suburb on the outskirts of southeast Michigan. I went to Western Michigan University where I received my bachelors degree. Although this is a diverse university, I was not submerged in cultures other than those similar to me. I then moved with my husband to a predominantly white suburb of Grand Rapids. For graduate school, I attended Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. I will speak more on this in a bit. As you can see, diversity has not been a huge player in my life. That being said, my parents raised me to love equally; however, I raised in the generation of “not seeing color.”
The move toward anti-racism
Although I would have always labeled myself as “not racist,” I am pained to say, this week was my first exposure to the language shift toward “anti-racism.” I am so thankful for having my heart opened to this as I think it has played a big role in the work that I have begun to do on my own heart. I have learned, it’s not enough to just be not racist, but I need to actively work toward anti-racism.
Participation not perfection
I am thankful for a new voice in my life, one I found on Instagram (will link to her in a bit), that encouraged specifically white Christians this week that the goal is participation, not perfection. I have been afraid to speak out this week because I know I will not make everyone happy with what I have to say, and I definitely know that I don’t have all of the perfect words to speak. I am still heavy in the introspection phase of all of this and was unsure if I had anything to add to the conversation. We each have different spheres of influence (this is for all of us), and I have felt convicted to speak out to those in my life, in my home, on my social media.
Graduate school taught me more than just counseling techniques
I am so thankful for my time at Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. The seminary is a diverse place and specifically has done a lot of education around urban ministry and cultural diversity. Also, as part of my counseling education, multiculturism is weaved throughout the course work. This is true of many graduate counseling programs. It was during this time that I really came face to face with how little I knew and how little diversity was a part of my experience.
One of the classes taken toward the beginning of the program is Multicultural counseling. As I opened up the textbook, one of the first topics was on white privilege. I can honestly tell you, reading it made me so uncomfortable and I resisted acknowledging it. The further I immersed myself in the literature, the more convicted I became and the more I understood. This course also brought to attention the bias we all have. Again, I resisted, but the more I pressed in, the more I faced the biases that were deep inside. They were small, but they were there. This really is the first step in this journey.
Again, I am so thankful for the time I had in the program there because I have already done some of the “work” that many are doing as racial tensions have risen to a new level in our country and in our communities. The counseling profession also has ethic codes including many on multiculturalism and advocating for marginalized groups. This is just another reason I feel compelled to speak out.
My first steps…
I want to share with you some of the baby steps I have taken this week. This is just the beginning. I will continue to take these steps as days, weeks, months and years pass. Please remember, I am not saying this is the end all be all of appropriate actions. This is just my journey. I encourage you to pray about what you need to do.
- First, I am reassessing the biases I carry with me; becoming more aware of how, where and when those pop up. I am also continuing to face my white privilege, not defend it, but acknowledge it’s there.
- Opening up my mind, heart and ears to new voices. This is mostly through social media and podcasts. I will share some of these with you later.
- Committing to listening to multiple sides of this issue, even if I don’t agree with everything they say. Every time I listen to something, I learn something new, or it makes me look at things differently. (learn more about confirmation bias in this video).
- Being aware of my microagressions.
- Listening to leaders I trust. It’s from many of these sources that I am finding other voices to listen to.
- Paying particular attention to BIPOC friends/colleagues.
- Seeing color. Celebrating diversity.
- Ordering and reading books.
- Having many conversations in my home with my husband and children.
- Having honest, open conversations with friends and family as a way to process through many of the thoughts and questions in my own head and see how they are also taking in and processing the information.
- Praying for BIPOC, law enforcement, politicians, ministry leaders and other leaders in our country. There is so much to navigate, and as I myself feel heavy, I can only imagine how these other groups are feeling.
Helpful anti-racism resources
Below is a small list of some of the content I have taken in this week. If you have other helpful resources I would love for you to comment or private message me.
- Brene Brown’s podcast (Unlocking Us) June 3rd episode with Ibram X. Kendi.
- Kinswomen podcast – I have only listened to two episodes, but this is an open, honest, interesting conversation between a white woman and a black woman. This is a great example of where perhaps I don’t agree with everything they say, but it has really been helpful in my hearing other perspectives.
- @ohhappydani (Danielle Coke) on Instagram. Her IGTV series “Upward, inward, outward” has been a helpful Black, Christian perspective and has at times brought me to tears with what I didn’t know, didn’t want to see, and what God calls us to.
- I have ordered two books: “Waking Up White,” and “Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria.”
- Jeff Manion’s sermon “A Conversation about Our City” from Ada Bible Church this past Sunday. Thankful for his willingness to step out, speak on this, and begin the conversation. He calls for three commitments: look back, lean in, love well.
This is only the beginning
This is not the end for me on this journey. Like I said earlier, it feels like it’s only beginning. I commit to continuing to do my part in this conversation by praying, reading, listening, speaking and loving. Watch this video to see how I plan to move forward. If you have a question about anything I have written, or want to have a conversation, please fill out the form on our Contact Us page.
Learn more about my journey by watching this video.
About the author
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Michigan and a graduate of Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. She finds energy in her work as a counselor when she is working with women who feel stuck and those wanting to restore hope for a better, more enriching life. She is also passionate about coming alongside those who want to incorporate their spirituality and relationship with God in their healing journey. Nicole sees clients in person in Hudsonville, MI and can also provide services online to any resident of the state of Michigan.
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