Coffee or tea? Hot dogs or hamburgers? Take a walk in the morning or evening? Call your friend or don’t call your friend? Target or Walmart for groceries? These may seem like small, easy decisions but when you have decision fatigue or feel overwhelmed by life, making even the simplest of decisions can feel overwhelming. You may even feel paralyzed. Making big decisions feels impossible.
Why can’t I make a decision?
Sometimes difficulty in making decisions can be a personality thing, but typically there is more to the story. The following reasons could be influencing your inability to choose:
- You worry about what others will think or how they will judge your decision.
- There are some major life decisions to be made, leaving you overwhelmed and unable to make simpler day-to-day decisions.
- Others tend to make decisions for you or you haven’t had much choice in the past.
- Perhaps you lack the confidence to trust your decision making.
- There is a mental or emotional struggle with things like anxiety or depression.
- You have so many decisions to make, you don’t even know where to start.
- The current season of life has brought a lot of deciding and you are tired, worn out and/or exhausted (decision fatigue).
- You get hung up on possibly making the “wrong” decision.
Practice not perfection
If fear is holding you back in making decisions (fear really is the underlying feeling in many of the reasons above), instead of perfection, focus on practice. Stick with me for a moment…I know that “practicing” making decisions sounds odd. Here is how it works. Set aside all big, major decisions that need to be made for a few days, if possible. Focus on the simple life decisions like what to eat for meals or what TV show to watch. When you need to make one of those decisions, and you start to feel that overwhelmed or frustrated feeling, count to three and force yourself to make a decision. Or snap your finger and go with your gut. Many of us are out of tune with ourselves and our gut. Practice relying on your gut reaction. Doing this for a few days, and continuing the practice, will help you as you move toward more important life decisions. This also provides a safe place for “making mistakes” and learning to be okay with not being perfect.
Tools for major life decisions
We can’t avoid making major life decisions forever. Once you feel more in tuned with your gut instinct, pull out the bigger decisions you need to make. Maybe it’s a vocation change, or choice about schooling for your kids, or whether to move. If you have time, place them in order of importance or place the one causing you the most distress at the top of the list.
Pull out the good ‘ole Pros and Cons list. Make a hand written or typed list of the benefits or challenges of your choice. Or another way to look at it, make a list of what you could gain or lose. Brain dump…get it out where you can see it. So much of what paralyzes us (in so many areas of life), is being stuck in our head. It’s just a piece of paper that most likely no one will see. Write it down even if it feels silly.
Next, remind yourself of your core values. You can read more about how to get in touch with your core values in this past blog post along with how it relates to decision making. Making choices based on who you are at your core, and what aligns with your true self, will more likely lead to successful outcomes.
You can always shift, pivot or adapt
Remember, life is about learning from “mistakes,” adapting, and living with the unexpected. We will never make the perfect choices all of the time, and sometimes things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes there isn’t even a “right” or “wrong” answer to a decision. There is almost always the opportunity to shift, pivot or adapt.
Need help making decisions?
Feeling beyond overwhelmed or like you need help even recognizing what decisions need to be made? Partnering with a professional counselor and bringing in an outside perspective can be particularly helpful in decision making. A counselor should never tell you what decision to make, but they can help you sort through your options, provide opportunities for insight, and guide you to make a decision that aligns with your values. Contact us today if you need this type of help.
Learn more in our information video.
About the author – Nicole Fryling
Nicole Fryling, MA, LLPC is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Michigan and a graduate of Grand Rapids Theological Seminary. She finds energy in her work as a counselor when she is working with women who feel stuck and those wanting to restore hope for a better, more enriching life. She is also passionate about coming alongside those who want to incorporate their spirituality and relationship with God in their healing journey. Nicole sees clients in person in Hudsonville, MI and can also provide services online to any resident of the state of Michigan.
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